R,

I want to shake you, tell you that I know where you're going, that I've been there.

I want to tell you that there is only pain that rips you to shreds if you keep going the way your going.

you said "its easy for you, you have people that love you."

and I said, "I do now, I do because of last year, I never had it before that, no one loved me either, everyone left me."

to prove it, I told you something I hadn't ever said before to you.

"When I was 19, I was at the hospital after I had stayed with that guy. I told my dad I was raped and he looked at me with disgust and called me a liar. Everyone not only left me but wanted a million feet away from me."

and you hugged me, and I was like "its okay it happened a long time ago, and im not telling you because I need your compassion, im telling you so that you understand that I got sober when everyone hated me and nobody loved me"

it went straight through your ears, and I cried because I know from personal experience that it doesn't matter what I say.

god, I wish I could save you from this

I wish I could save you from this

but I cant save you, you have to save yourself, and I don't think you will, and its going to kill you inside, just like it killed me, killed me so much that I still suffer from it, years later.