I was so far inside myself today, all delusion, self loathing, and it felt like if I opened my mouth then all this ugliness would come out so I shut myself up, and didn't speak.

And it's weird how I know that my thoughts are very dark and irrational, and I talked to this therapist today, and he sifted through everything in my brain and told me:

Allow yourself to feel good about things you do during the day, even if their small.   Set short term goals that you can accomplish throughout the day or week. Your goals are very unrealistic and very far off, almost to the point that you set yourself up for misery everytiime. When someone calls you needy or pathetic or unhealthy it sets off a trigger in you that happened in childhood because you were told that your needs weren't allowed and when you had needs no one was there and you had To go about it alone and deal with it alone. You don't have to do that as an adult. You are allowed to have needs. And when you feel like you are all "unhealthy, needy, pathetic, dependent" etc know that you are not all of these things in their fullest but that you will be them sometimes while other times you'll be the exact opposite, allow yourself to be human. Each relationship you have should be give and take, if you find you just have takers then see the relationship for what it is, and go accordingly. Let yourself feel accomplished because today you came here today and talked to me and that's huge. You asked for help today. Hold on to that feeling. You gloss over it like it's nothing, when really it can be everything 

Do you know how much I needed to hear this? How confused I've felt lately? How I needed Answers and he provided them? Do you kno that today is the first day I let myself be okay with myself for 6 months? 

Relief.

Relief. Blissful relief.