Here

So It goes my summer rose is cut and thrown away. 

Petals fall and you don’t call for days and days and days.

You say it’s not my fault

You say nothing at all

You make it look so easy

Turn around and leave me 

No concern for what you’ve burned

You set yourself ablaze 

Can you see my hands shake?

My heart is now an earthquake. 

You make it look so easy

Turn around and leave me

Fading out

I’m tuning you out, 

Fading you out. 

I need to be done with you, 

Loving you hurts me too much. Loving you from this distance, loving you when you won’t put me first, when you won’t fight for yourself. When you won’t fight for me, or us. Did I even mean that much to you? 

I know I did. So where did that go ?? How do you just act like it doesn’t matter, that it doesn’t hurt you? That’s what hurts the most. That over here I’m dying, and you are fine with it. How can you be fine with this? How? And yet I know deep down. I’ve known this whole time and that’s what makes me angry at myself. You will always choose someone who has control over you than me. I never wanted to control you. I gave you freedom, I gave you unconditional love. But you haven’t given me the same. You’ve chosen. I know you have. And should I have compassion? Sure i always do. But I can’t condone this. I can’t condone what you’ve done. I know that if you come back my perception and love for you won’t be the same. I won’t be the same girl. 

We could take it slower,

Wait until we’re older

But I might be somebody 

You might not even know her

I’m going through changes

It’s a roller coaster 

But I might be somebody

You might not even know her. 

Your gone

My love for you is dying, is turning. 

Thought I would die for your touch

But I hate living with us. 

Don’t want a tainted love

Haven’t you had enough? 

You’re become a ghost.

I’m tired of this type of love, the type that leaves me in an ocean by myself. One that is emotionally lacking, or physically. Either one really. Both hurt in different ways. One you lose someone by degrees, the other all at once. You aren’t here. I hate you for it. 

I hate you for it

I hate you because I love you. 

I shouldn’t have let you in, I shouldn’t have let someone that would possibly leave me into my heart.  I won’t do that again and maybe that’s my lesson. To stop letting in people that are otherwise engaged. People that don’t have a backbone for love. People that don’t put me first. People that are selfish and unhealed. It’s just, you seemed so unselfish, you were when you were here with me at least. But that’s changed. Trauma always wins. How do I not know that already? 

You left and you are lacking. Lacking emotionally, physically, spiritually. It’s like you turned into a different person. I can tell your going down with the ship. I can tell you are becoming invisible. You say you need me, but fuck that. What about me? What about what I need? Fuck you. 

And what you expect me to just be here when you find that being invisible sucks? Because I’m your out. I’m your holy fuck everything is falling apart and I need to leave-plan. So I won’t respond to your texts- your lacking, bullshit, surface texts. You think I don’t know? I know. I always know. 

And I think it hurts so bad cause I expected better, because YOU WERE better. But your ghost is taking over. I can’t love a ghost. I can’t love someone that’s not here. I can’t love someone who would do this. I can’t love someone who doesn’t fight for themselves or for me. I deserve better than that.