went to my normal pregnancy exam at 40 weeks and 3 days. I was antsy that I was over but doing everything to avoid an induction, my midwife had checked me the week before and my cervix was so posterior she couldn't reach it so she tried to walk my cervix down but still had no luck. At this appointment my cervix was still posterior but she did all she could to pull it down and was successful, she found that I was 1cm and 50% effaced. She tried to a sweep but was unsuccessful, she did make me bleed a bit. I had cramping after but it went away for like four hours. It then came back that night at 7pm, the cramps were coming every ten minutes but were irregular. They would come 10, 10, 7, 6, 7, 5. But they would always come. They def were not stopping. Wondering if I was in labor or if it was just false labor I called my midwife. She told me to sleep. I tried but every ten minutes these cramps would wake me up and they got progressively stronger but we're still irregular. I woke up the next day and it was more of the same, every ten minutes irregular but getting more painful. I def thought I was starting labor, then at 11am all of a sudden I started getting so sleepy, and all of a sudden the cramps stopped for the first time in like 18 hours ! I was like wtf freaking out?! Like was all that just false labor? Am I not starting my labor after all, so what I did was go and lay down and sleep in case this was a break before the storm (which it was) I slept for three hours. I had three cramps in those three hours. Nothing like before. Then I got up, slowly my cramps started coming back. They came back at seven minutes apart 45 seconds long. They were still irregular but not as irregular. Then they started coming 5-6 minutes apart 45 seconds and that's when my midwife called and listened and decided to come over. At 6pm I got in the spa (right after midwife phone call) my contractions started getting longer to about a minute apart and five minutes apart. This is when the pain really
Kicked in, I could feel her moving down my belly. I couldn't not moan at this point, I did my best to let it come over me and not try and fight it. My midwife got there and so did the midwifes assistant. They told me to get out of the spa so I did. They started to check me, they found I was at only 3cm, I was so devastated cause it was hurting so bad I didn't think I could do it. She opened and dilated me to a 4, that fucking hurt but I was glad for it. At this point I was begging for the hospital. The midwifes tried talking me down, and ultimately would not take me (which is what I wanted really just not in the moment lol) they were telling me that I had made this decision and that I had to walk through the pain, they saw that I was fighting it and clenching and my thighs were so tight, they tried showing me and telling me and reminding me of how to relax because it would make it go quicker. I really tried relaxing at this point, every contraction it's what I did. Focus on relaxing my butt my shoulders my legs, even though all I wanted to do was fight it. In between contractions I felt so high, the endorphins were crazy, I felt I was in this altered state of other worlds, it was fuzzy and my eyes were droopy. And I was moving back and forth rhythmically. At this point it was probably 9-10 pm 2 hours after my midwife got there. They checked me again and I was at a 5 and she moved me open to a six. And I got my bloody show. Then the pain picked up, and I was sitting and moving back and forth and I started feeling this massive pressure in my butt where the contractions were and I wanted to sit but it was getting too much, I started begging for the hospital again. They said I could go in the spa. I got in the spa. I still couldn't tell if it helped or not. It probably did but I just couldn't notice. I got in the spa with the 3rd midwife assistant who showed up. She got in with all her clothes. At this point the pain was unbearable when I would have a contraction and it was coming around every 2 minutes, maybe less. I got in the spa at 9:40. And once in there the pressure started to build massively in my butt. I kept telling the new assistant that I felt like pushing so much and couldn't stop myself when the contractions would come. The experienced midwife came out and I finally told her I feel like I have to push so bad every contraction. She was like okay get out then let's check you! I got out it was about 10:15 ish. She checked me and she was like omg your at a 9 with a lip of cervix covering. So she was like we're going to pull back that lip and open you to a ten and break your water. I felt this uncontrollable urge to push at this point. I was screaming I have to push I have to push! So we got on the bed where I layed back(not the best position which I kind of regret now) anyway. This part of the labor felt so much better to me, it still hurt like a mother fucker but I could see the end in sight and I felt I could actively participate and I didn't have to relax I could put all my energy towards something and even if it was painful I could push through it and do something with it. I started pushing, I pushed like I had never pushed before in my life. I would feel a contraction and my midwife would stick her hand on my perineum and I would tuck my pelvis and my midwife and bruce would hold back my legs and I would push and hold in my breath and tried to push through my butt. All my energy I would try to direct down there and not out of me. I would push mostly three times, and sometimes a fourth, and a couple times a fifth even if the contraction had gone. I didn't care, I wanted her out and I wanted to be done. I finally got her head past my pelvic bone after an hour and fifteen minutes of pushing. The next problem was my perineum. It was so tight that her head couldn't get past it. It took Fourty five minutes. My midwife didn't want to cut me, I was begging for her too just cause I wanted to be done. She and the other midwifes did there best and actually got her past my perineum with minimal tearing it just took forty five minutes to do so. I pushed for a total of two hours. She came out covered in Vernix and managed to poop meconium on her way out as well. She weighed 8lbs pounds and 1oz 20.5 inches long. We named her Josephine Marie scholten. I couldn't believe I did it. I broke every blood vessel in my face arms and neck and pulled my leg muscles and tore and bled but it was worth it. The most amazing thing I had ever done and the most empowering and the most difficult
