she knows, she knows, she knows.

and I am a pathetic worthless wrench, and I want to forget you, and move on.


you've got me trapped here

how many days will this shit continue to pass through, I DIDNT WANT IT LIKE THIS, I DIDNT FUCKING WANT IT LIKE THIS.

and whether or not, she knows how Ive fucked her over because I slept with you, her husband, you still don't love me like I want. IF anything you've cowered and backed into your shell, and im still screaming here, and feeling like paper shoes in rain weather.

and I want to forget this town and leave, straight down the highway, till my car breaks down, and my hands blister from holding the steering wheel.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate me, I hate ME.


I HATE THIS.

and you still don't know, and im still lost, and I still have nothing to lose because I am so godamn worthless, and a fucking WHORE just like she says.

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, and NO MATTER WHERE I RUN TOO I WONT BE ABLE TO GET AWAY FROM THAT.

When I met you and over the course of time you like an octopus have wrapped your tentacles around me, one by one, until all 8 choke me alive, and the blackness squeezes my heart and I can barely breathe wondering why I decided to choose this.

I always gift wrapped you with my mind, always saw a better you, an illusion, this is no magic trick. I CANT FIGHT THE DOUBT ANYMORE. I CANT LOVE YOU ANYMORE

isn't it terrible that I keep begging you to let me go? isn't it terrible that I need to hear you say the words to me; like when someone dies and the doctors have to say to the family that their mother or father is dead, hes dead, shes dead, hes dead as a doornail, shes dead: just so they can face it with all that denial seeping in, falsifying hope.

its over its over its over

I WANT YOU TO END IT, I WANT YOU TO PUT AN END TO IT.
where was your effort? my effort covers the end of this two year path with flowers and yours is the pebbles in my shoes.

did I really think you would choose me over her? how could I believe that it wasn't a pick between me and your wife? how could I understand why you left me on holidays and birthdays and that vacation for a month in april to Bangcock? WAS YOUR WIFE A DRUNK WAS SHE? was I a slut because I didn't want to wait for you, because I couldn't stand to give you everything for two years when I knew you wouldn't choose me? how could I believe that you loved me so dearly? how could I believe that you believed in me? how could I believe that you would fight for me? how could I believe that you weren't having sex with her anymore? how could I believe that you didn't communicate, that there was no future or past that could hold you two together? HOW COULD I HAVE BELIEVED YOU ANd HOPED IN YOU WHEN IT WAS ALL GOING TO BE ANOTHER DEAD END.

so if you cant make the choice I will,
I HAVE NO MORE LOVE.

the chain is on the door