Family

I hate family vacations, for me it's like being stuck with the people I've tried to untangle myself from for years. I feel stifled here- like I can't be myself, like I can't express myself- like my sensitivity and reactions aren't warranted. I am not validated- I feel like poison, I feel like someone else. I don't like who I become here because i become someone else- someone less- so they can feel better, because they don't Like me- and I don't know why. I used to think there was something wrong with me, now I just think it's them- their naive, lying tongues. Life isn't about letting things slide, it isn't about pleasing everyone else, it isn't about making things perfect, it isn't a present with a neat little bow. It is messy and it has feeling and depth, And I am messy and I have feeling and I have depth. I hate living naive, and gullible, in bubble wrap. My life has been rough, frayed at the edges and I have bled and for that I'm not accepted among them. But this is me now, i wont trade in, i wont become someone else anymore, I won't come back, I'm leaving my family behind. They think I'm the tragic one here, when I'm the only one who doesn't lie to myself.