You as a friend, picked me up and It didn't hit me yet. 

I walked down the street and it didn't hit me yet. 

And then you laughed at me and I burst into tears, thick and heavy, choking me.

Grief, this was grief I thought. 

Something that hits you out of nowhere. 

One minute your fine and the next totally undone.

I stopped crying and I asked you what was wrong with me and you jokingly replied "everything under the sun" and again 

Like a dam bursting inside my chest, the tears came. He would never say something like that, and yet somehow even though he never said it, the joke was true because I still wasn't good enough to him. 

And every song, every touch, every moment I just keep wanting to burst into tears.

And I realize 

Heartbroken, I'm heartbroken. 

And I wonder and think no, he won't be bursting into tears over this, he thinks this is right, and so do i, but I have lost, because even if I was to see him it wouldn't change a damn thing, not one damn thing. And then anger takes over and again the tears come.

How am I supposed to walk around and talk and act like myself when the beat inside my chest is gone. 

I'm on my own again.