I can't stop crying tonight. 

Everywhere I go.

At the meeting, in my room, my car, on the phone, to my aunt, to my sponser, to b, to myself.

I want to stop this madness ripping me apart inside and I don't know what to do with how much is churning and configuring in my head.

Still sober though,

6 days and counting,

And I think about getting high so much, and I don't know how to do this even though I've done it before- how is that?

I found out that my parents kept a secret from me about my birth father- they had always told me that he never wanted me- my aunt told me tonight that he took me back when he got out of prison for awhile and that he fought for me, and then got high again went to prison again, and lost me. I am 22 and my parents never told me after all the times I asked them. 

I AM 6 DAYS SOBER THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR. 

And I cosigned for a car with my x that is now getting repoed cause he's out high not paying for it and my credit takes another hit. 

Then I hear that everyone is talking about me in sober living- seeing what I'm doing- saying shit. 

And I don't know how to deal with any of it.

I barely can deal with not getting high.

I am so angry inside and hurt and I can't get high and I don't know how to deal.

Fuck man. Just fuck. 

I need to stop crying :(