To be filled

Am I sad after group because I don’t want to go back to my life? I love my kids, and I love B and I know it stretches my mom so thin to just watch my kids for three days a week three hours a day but I love going to these groups. It feeds me in a way, it makes me think, it also talks about psychology and I can’t ever get enough of that. I have a thirst for learning. I want to learn more, know more, it’s why I want a job there. I want to continue to unravel these things about myself and learn more about others. 

I guess it’s the open ended question of how am I going to continue this after these next few months are over. I’m in pain when I’m not in these groups. I’m slowly trying to figure out myself, and that feels freeing. I just got out of group and I don’t have any Tommorow and I feel icky. Is it possible to be so run down, so invisible, that it’s hard to go home. I know my relationship doesn’t fill me. My kids are amazing and i love them but being a mom is so hard. It takes so much from me. This place fills me- and I want to keep getting filled. So I guess the question is; how do I fill myself when this is all over?