tonight i am up late thinking about how my ex is drunk in my bed and how much i dont want to lay down in it next to him.

I am thinking about how my moms up drunk and crying because shes worried about my exes son, about how he decided to let his 4 year old sleep somewhere else and not at our house(like this should even be my problem),

im thinking about how i am the negotiator between my mom and my exboyfriend, and im thinking about how much i dont want to be apart of this drama, i am thinking about how i am dealing with this when hes drunk and passed out in my bed

i am thinking of traveling to far countries, and about how i just wish i had my own drama to deal with, because trust me my drama is enough for 10 people to deal with.


i am thinking about how no matter what, i will never be the only person that matters, that there will be 10 different other people that matter besides me, that I will spend my time making everyone around me feel comfortable, that i will feel like i am never truly cared about because everyone makes it about them.

i am thinking that no matter how much i try to take control, my life spirals around me.


i am thinking that maybe i am the cause of all this.


I am thinking that maybe if i didnt care so much that i would be in better shape.


I am thinking about how much i want to change this, and about how much i cant do one god damn thing about it.