You’re become a ghost.

I’m tired of this type of love, the type that leaves me in an ocean by myself. One that is emotionally lacking, or physically. Either one really. Both hurt in different ways. One you lose someone by degrees, the other all at once. You aren’t here. I hate you for it. 

I hate you for it

I hate you because I love you. 

I shouldn’t have let you in, I shouldn’t have let someone that would possibly leave me into my heart.  I won’t do that again and maybe that’s my lesson. To stop letting in people that are otherwise engaged. People that don’t have a backbone for love. People that don’t put me first. People that are selfish and unhealed. It’s just, you seemed so unselfish, you were when you were here with me at least. But that’s changed. Trauma always wins. How do I not know that already? 

You left and you are lacking. Lacking emotionally, physically, spiritually. It’s like you turned into a different person. I can tell your going down with the ship. I can tell you are becoming invisible. You say you need me, but fuck that. What about me? What about what I need? Fuck you. 

And what you expect me to just be here when you find that being invisible sucks? Because I’m your out. I’m your holy fuck everything is falling apart and I need to leave-plan. So I won’t respond to your texts- your lacking, bullshit, surface texts. You think I don’t know? I know. I always know. 

And I think it hurts so bad cause I expected better, because YOU WERE better. But your ghost is taking over. I can’t love a ghost. I can’t love someone that’s not here. I can’t love someone who would do this. I can’t love someone who doesn’t fight for themselves or for me. I deserve better than that.