I am you(rs)

i will be frank. there will never

be anyone else. i have never been able to think this with confidence. but there

will never be any other man. no other man inside me in any way because it has

always been you. i wished for you too, you know. i wished for you as a child in

the summer in moscow, running in golden fields, laying in wildflowers, covered

in bugs, pulsing with dreams and fantasies and rainbow gusts of imagination.

I wished for you last summer when everything felt different. I wished for you

when I was changing; trying to pull myself together. . I wished for you lying

on my back in a car looking out the window all night as the stars passed. I wished

for you sitting at my window wanting something; anything to look forward too. I

wished in the forest with all its loneliness. I knew you even then and i wished for you. i

wished for you when i was broken in this dead city with so many streets and

mazes and silence. i wished drunk, wandering aimlessly on santa barbara

beaches. i wished for you when i was numb, when i was hurt, when i was happy. i

looked for you for so long, so long, in every man, every human that i met who

had potential. i looked and i got confused and hopeful and i projected what i

wanted onto other men and that made everything fall apart every time. so i quit

looking and began to know that you are deep inside and you are me and i can be

alone. then i began to want to be alone and only alone because you were in me

and i was happy. so i told you in the beginning that i always leave, i'll leave

you, this won't happen. then i finally saw you. you became clearer and clearer

every day. you meld with my soul and it knows it and it know you and shines and

sings when you are near and even when you aren't (but you always are). i was

wrong, i won't leave. god, i love being wrong when you are right. no, i'm not

going anywhere. i love you and i am yours.