new men, four times as many problems

SK:

 I feel like I got lit on fire and ripped open and shamed all at once. Whats weird is that i feel like something is off in many ways. what the fuck happened that you changed overnight? i felt like an object, a disconnect, i felt you were hiding something. What are you hiding? I feel like you broke me, not just with the physical part, where you lost your temper and i was afraid for my life a week ago, but now this thing where you may be cheating on me? something is dying. its dying. we are dying. our relationship is dying. is your vindication in what you say is right keep you warm at night? making me feel ashamed like i did something wrong for wondering why your hand and dick smell like pussy BUT BUT BUT but its not me because we didnt have sex yesterday and you took a shower that morning. BUT SOMEHOW IM TRIPPING. It was the way you didn't say i love you like usual, and the way you fucked me from behind three times but not the way we usually do it. it felt so distant and disconnected. and now your even more. Why is that? I dont think i can move forward after this. You fucking did too much horrible things, and you arent giving me enough. But why did that week have to be so good? why did you have to do whatever that has now separated us? why did you think i wouldn't know? it feels like a fucking punch to the gut, not just whatever the fuck you did, but the hiding of it, then making me feel badly for asking about it. Then more texts found in your phone from a month ago from only fans? but oh that doesnt matter. why would it matter? why the fuck would i matter? your arrogance is suffocating me. i feel suffocated. i feel trapped but i am getting out of it. The choking was enough. ive had enough of it LITERALLY AND FIGURITIVELY. You have been enough. honestly i may have to leave without you ever admitting it and maybe thats what i need to focus on, just fucking trusting myself for fucking once. YOUR ATTITUDE IS FUCKING SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU DUDE? FUCKING EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED EVERYTHING AND YOU DONT EVEN NOTICE OR CARE, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID I EXPECT?

you really are losing me this time.