When I met you and over the course of time you like an octopus have wrapped your tentacles around me, one by one, until all 8 choke me alive, and the blackness squeezes my heart and I can barely breathe wondering why I decided to choose this.

I always gift wrapped you with my mind, always saw a better you, an illusion, this is no magic trick. I CANT FIGHT THE DOUBT ANYMORE. I CANT LOVE YOU ANYMORE

isn't it terrible that I keep begging you to let me go? isn't it terrible that I need to hear you say the words to me; like when someone dies and the doctors have to say to the family that their mother or father is dead, hes dead, shes dead, hes dead as a doornail, shes dead: just so they can face it with all that denial seeping in, falsifying hope.

its over its over its over

I WANT YOU TO END IT, I WANT YOU TO PUT AN END TO IT.
where was your effort? my effort covers the end of this two year path with flowers and yours is the pebbles in my shoes.

did I really think you would choose me over her? how could I believe that it wasn't a pick between me and your wife? how could I understand why you left me on holidays and birthdays and that vacation for a month in april to Bangcock? WAS YOUR WIFE A DRUNK WAS SHE? was I a slut because I didn't want to wait for you, because I couldn't stand to give you everything for two years when I knew you wouldn't choose me? how could I believe that you loved me so dearly? how could I believe that you believed in me? how could I believe that you would fight for me? how could I believe that you weren't having sex with her anymore? how could I believe that you didn't communicate, that there was no future or past that could hold you two together? HOW COULD I HAVE BELIEVED YOU ANd HOPED IN YOU WHEN IT WAS ALL GOING TO BE ANOTHER DEAD END.

so if you cant make the choice I will,
I HAVE NO MORE LOVE.

the chain is on the door