All I'm thinking right now is how much I want you and how much that scares me. How can you mean so much in such a short time? Please don't leave, don't leave me too. 

Will I get over mike? Will I get over the fact that he left me ?

Was I really not loved by him? Or was I just so poisonous he just couldn't have me in his life anymore?

Can I tell you how much this eats me alive? I don't even admit this anymore because of how much it's buried deep inside me cause I can't face how much that scars me.

He left me, I don't talk of this much anymore. Tell me you couldn't bear to leave me too, somehow I know that you could use the same logic against me someday.

How can I bear that? Can't I be okay on my own? To learn to do that iS so confusing.

Will I ever get there?

I feel so alone and yet I'm so scared of being alone, how does that even come to make sense? 

I wish mike would give me the chance to explain.

Give me the satisfaction of showing how much I've tried to become better. Should I care anymore that I want him to see it? No he doesn't deserve that but I always wish.

Stupid so stupid, somehow that affects my self esteem more.

I'm so tired of my self esteem being tied to those that love me, when all it does is hurt me more in the end.

Logically I know this,

But my emotions betray me on so many more levels that go deeper than that.

I don't want to fool myself anymore I just don't know how to get passed all that.

I'm so tired of feeling bad all the time

Where is my peace, my redemption, my happiness?

What if I can't get there?